


the eye of the beholder

by LadyMerlin



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Blind Roy Mustang, Body Image, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Permanent Injury, Physical Disability, Self-Esteem Issues, Social Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:08:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21827230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMerlin/pseuds/LadyMerlin
Summary: “I can even hear you smiling now,” Roy admits ruefully. “I just wish I could see your face.”Ed sighs but there’s nothing he can say to that; it’s not his place to offer platitudes. This is Roy, sharing his personal thoughts. Who is he to comment on them, or to say that it doesn’t matter? “I wish… I don’t know what I wish, really. I’ve never been this happy before. I don’t wish anything. If I had a wish, I’d let you have it.” His honesty is the best and only thing he can offer.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Comments: 30
Kudos: 228





	the eye of the beholder

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [blind date](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20076901) by [LadyMerlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMerlin/pseuds/LadyMerlin). 



> Check the end notes for a more detailed description of the body image/physical disability tags - I've tried to be as respectful as I can, and I don't think there's anything that's not already present in canon, but as always, be kind to yourselves. 
> 
> This is a sequel (of sorts) to one of my fills for Royed Week 2019 - the only thing you need to know is that Roy is blind and that Roy and Ed met on a blind date (hah see what I did there).

Dating Roy is easier than anything Ed has ever done. It’s almost disgusting how easy it is, because Ed can’t help but look back and compare it with all his previous relationships and wonder why he’d even bothered trying so hard, if it could have been like this all along. 

He’s not entirely sure what makes his relationship with Roy so different, but it is. They’re similar in a lot of ways, and their differences seem to be fairly complementary. That’s not to say they don’t argue, because they do, with great ferocity and at _length,_ but agreeing to disagree with Roy doesn’t feel like losing. 

In fact, when it ends with Ed in Roy’s lap, making out until neither of them can breathe it feels a whole lot like winning. Ed had never known anything could be so joyful. 

Al had been worried that they masked their disagreements with sex rather than talking about them, but the truth is that with Roy, Ed doesn’t feel the need to push the physical aspect of their relationship; this is closer to any other person (except Al) than he’s ever been before. The intimacy of sitting next to Roy and holding his hand while they do their own things is already staggeringly intense. That is to say, they haven’t had sex yet, and the lack isn’t bothering him in the least. 

Sometimes they hang out at the house Ed shares with Al, but more frequently Ed visits Roy’s apartment because travelling is easier for Ed, especially when they end up listening to music and drinking and talking until the early hours. 

Roy never asks him to stay over and Ed doesn’t take it personally. Having someone in your space while you sleep is pretty damn intimate and he doesn’t blame Roy for being hesitant. But he can’t help but wonder if it’s not about - well. Maybe certainty has nothing to do with it. 

He’s not sure if things would ever have changed if Ed hadn’t fallen asleep one evening after dinner, before Roy could even offer him a cup of coffee. He wakes to the sensation of a soft hand on his shoulder. “Ed, are you alright?” 

Ed hums and smacks his lips, his mouth dry from sleep. “Ed,” the hand shakes him a little more firmly. “Darling, that can’t be comfortable. Don’t you want to sleep in a bed?” 

Ed yawns and pushes himself back up, feeling the imprint of the wooden table against his cheek. He wipes the back of his mouth to make sure he hasn’t drooled. “Yeah, I should probably start driving. Maybe a cup of coffee for the road. Sorry babe, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. It’s been a long week,” Ed sighs, rubbing at his gritty eyes. 

Roy clicks his tongue, drawing Ed’s attention to his stupidly beautiful face. “You’re not driving in this state. You can stay here, borrow some of my clothes.” 

“Dude, don’t worry about it, I’ll be awake in a few minutes. It’s okay. You can go to bed, you don’t have to wait up for me. I’ll lock the door before I go.” 

“Edward Elric, do _not_ call me _dude_ ,” Roy says, in a tone so dark it makes Ed want to giggle. “And don’t be ridiculous, Ed. Please. I’d feel better if you weren’t driving in this state. I’m blind and even I can see you’re exhausted.” 

Somehow Roy has figured out that Ed would do almost anything to make him feel better; it’s a ridiculous trump card, but it works every single time. 

“Yeah,” Ed says through another jaw-cracking yawn, “okay babe, I’ll stay. Thanks.” He’s honestly too tired to argue.

Roy squeezes his shoulder and blushes the way he always does when Ed uses a term of endearment. “Why don’t you go ahead and brush your teeth. There’s a spare toothbrush in the cupboard above the sink. I’ll find some pajamas for you.” 

It’s strange, being here while Roy winds down for the evening. He’s seen it before, but always on his way out the door. It feels like he’s being allowed to witness something special and secret, but he tries not to make a big deal out of it. 

Still, he can’t help but look around Roy’s bedroom like it’s the first time he’s been there. It’s not, but the first time had been more of a perfunctory tour of the house. Since then they’ve spent most of their time in the living room, and Ed’s never had any reason to venture here. 

The room itself is neat and tidy and doesn’t show many signs of Roy’s personality, but truth be told Ed hadn’t been expecting any. In the months since he started dating Roy he’s realised that being blind is about more than just a lack of sight. It’s about how Roy orients himself in the world. 

Ed has learned to be very careful about the relative positions of furniture around his house, because Roy knows exactly how far apart the coffee table and sofa should be. If anything changes, he’s likely to trip up. Ed has also learned that Roy’s favourite place is in the window seat when the sun is setting, because he can feel the heat of the setting sun on the tip of his nose and he loves it. 

The bedroom is brightly lit, and the bedsheets look clean and soft. The entire place smells like clean laundry and soap, and the curtains are drawn and pegged shut. 

Brushing his teeth and completing his bedtime routine takes him a grand total of five minutes. There are a pair of neatly folded pyjamas lying on the right side of the bed, and Ed pulls them on quickly, hanging his own worn clothes over the back of a chair. 

Ed drifts off, wondering if Roy is going to join him anytime soon. He’ll never admit it, but he’s secretly looking forward to curling up to sleep with Roy. If he’s lucky, Roy might even wrap his arms around Ed’s body as he sleeps. It’s a stupidly sappy fantasy, but so close within his reach that it hurts every day that he goes to sleep alone. He’s not going to ask for it, of course. But he craves it anyway. 

Thankfully he’s always been a light sleeper, so he blinks awake the moment Roy pushes the door open, letting himself into his own bedroom. In the dim light streaming through the cracks around the door, he can see Roy is still wearing sunglasses. He blinks again to confirm that he’s seeing what he thinks he’s seeing before he speaks. “You’re not going to sleep with those on, are you?” His voice is hoarse with sleep, but he knows Roy heard him, because he sighs. 

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Roy says with a flat affect. 

“Uh _huh_ ,” Ed says, pouring as much skepticism into the phrase as he can. It takes a bit of fumbling but eventually he finds the switch to turn on the bedside lamp. “And do you normally sleep with the sunglasses on?” 

Roy turns his face away from Ed and it hurts, for some reason, to think that even now Roy doesn’t want Ed to see his face. He tries not to let it become an ego thing, though, because Roy is the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and he’s not about to throw it away for some stupid reason. He just wishes Roy was more comfortable with him. “No,” he admits after a long moment. “I don’t.” 

Ed takes a deep, quiet breath. “Do I make you uncomfortable?” he asks, keeping his tone as level as he can. 

Roy exhales sharply, like someone has just jabbed him in the stomach. “No, darling. No, Ed, you don’t, god. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you think—”

And that’s not right either, because he hadn’t asked to make Roy feel bad; that hadn’t been the point. He reaches out and takes Roy’s hand and Roy stops talking. “I’m sorry,” Ed says. “I didn’t mean that to sound so - whatever. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. It’s okay if you’re not comfortable, Roy. I can sleep on the couch, or it’s not too late for me to drive home. There’s nothing wrong with us taking this slowly, and god knows it’s okay to not want someone else in your bed. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own house.” 

Roy starts shaking his head half-way through Ed’s speech, and he continues even after Ed is done. He pulls his hand back just enough to unclench his fingers and lace them with Ed’s own. “No, Ed,” he says. “No, you’re not making me uncomfortable at all. When I’m with you my heart is at ease,” he murmurs, so lowly that Ed has to lean in closer to hear him. 

The words make his cheeks go hot with some searing emotion, and he squeezes Roy’s hand with his own. He doesn’t interrupt, because clearly Roy is gearing up to say something. “It’s just that. Well. I’ve been told that it’s quite ugly.” 

It takes Ed a moment to process the words, and then a laugh escapes him before he can stop himself. “Roy,” he starts, and then stops. There are a hundred flippant comments lining up on the tip of his tongue, but he can tell from the look on Roy’s face, the way his jaw is clenched, that he’s expecting each and every one of them. No number of jokes is going to make this any less painful for him, so Ed thinks about what he wants to say, underneath the banter. 

“Roy,” he says again, on an exhale this time, as tenderly as he can, stroking his cheek with a soft hand. “I don’t love you because you’re beautiful,” he says, and Roy sucks in a quick breath. “I don’t love you for your face. I love you because you make me feel safe, and because I can be myself around you. I love you because I’ve never wanted to lie down to sleep next to someone and wake up beside them every day for the rest of my life, until I met you. Because you don’t judge me, and because I can sit in a room beside you and do absolutely nothing without feeling the need to fill the silence.” Ed pauses, so that Roy can absorb the meaning of his words. 

“Roy, I would love you even if _I_ were blind,” and maybe it’s a little insensitive, but it’s what he _means,_ and it’s probably something Roy needs to hear. “And if you tell me exactly who told you that your face is ugly, I’ll bump them up to the top of my hit list.” 

Roy swallows hard and squeezes Ed’s hand even tighter. Ed slides in closer, fisting his free hand in the hem of Roy’s shirt, careful to not let the cool metal of his prosthesis touch warm skin. 

“I scared Elicia, the first time she saw me without glasses. Apparently she had nightmares.” 

Ed swears under his breath, because _god_. He can’t even imagine how much that must have hurt Roy. “Elicia is a child,” he reminds Roy, even though that’s obvious. “Al couldn’t look at me for years, without the prosthesis,” he reciprocates. “I don’t blame him, because sometimes I looked at my body and it didn’t look like it belonged to me. But it hurt me then, because he’d only look at me when I was lying in bed, or when I had my leg on… Children don’t understand, Roy. I’m not a child.” 

Roy nods slightly, as if in agreement, and Ed presses on. “It’s alright if you want to keep your glasses on, or if you don’t want me to see you. But babe, don’t do it for my sake. I’m not going to be scared of you. The only nightmares I have about you are the ones in which you’re not with me anymore.” 

Roy shudders slightly, and Ed throws the blanket over his body, sharing his own body warmth. Roy’s duvet is thick and soft and it smells like him, and Ed thinks he could stay here forever, buried in a warm huddle with Roy, shielded from the world outside. Roy is still trembling slightly when he draws the blanket down and sticks his head out into the cool air. Ed follows. 

“Okay?” He asks. 

Roy nods. “Yes. Okay. Please take off my glasses, Ed,” he says. His hands are shaking. 

Ed laces their fingers together and kisses Roy’s knuckles. He doesn’t do Roy the discourtesy of asking if he’s sure. They’re lying down facing each other, which makes it a little difficult for Ed to actually remove the glasses but he manages. 

What he sees hurts him like a guy punch. He hadn’t even realised. It’s not that Roy’s eyes aren’t working. One of his eyes has been entirely removed from its socket, leaving behind a scarred mess of skin and a hollow that, well. The other eye is just closed over, but it’s a horrific injury overall. He can’t imagine how much it must have hurt while it was happening. 

He sucks in a sharp breath at the thought, and Roy flinches like he’s expecting a blow, but Ed catches his wrist before he actually flees the bed. “Hey, no,” Ed says, pulling him closer instead, moving until they’re almost on top of each other. “Shh, I’m sorry Roy,” he babbles, which is clearly the most useless thing he could have said, but Ed has never been great with words. Actions, though… 

He leans in and kisses the empty socket as gently as he can, hands cupped around Roy’s face, and Roy freezes. Ed does it again, pressing his lips against the arch of Roy’s brow, and then the point at which his nose joins his forehead, and then against his eye again, stroking his thumb against Roy’s cheekbone gently. “I love you,” he whispers, brushing the tips of their noses together, making himself as soft as he can possibly be. “I love you, Roy Mustang, and I’m sorry that you were hurt. I would have spared you from this not because it’s not beautiful, but because it must have caused you so much pain. I’m not looking away from you.” 

As he speaks, the tension seeps slowly out of Roy’s face and shoulders, and he relaxes into Ed’s touch again. Ed kisses him again, just pressing their lips together until Roy kisses him back, letting Roy take what he needs until he’s calm again, never moving his hands from Roy’s shoulders. “I love you too, Ed,” Roy says, when both of them are breathing a little harder, and the mood is beginning to change. 

Ed grins and squeezes lightly around Roy’s shoulders. “I can even hear you smiling now,” Roy admits ruefully. “I just wish I could see your face.” 

Ed sighs but there’s nothing he can say to that; it’s not his place to offer platitudes. This is Roy, sharing his personal thoughts. Who is he to comment on them, or to say that it doesn’t matter? “I wish… I don’t know what I wish, really. I’ve never been this happy before. I don’t wish anything. If I had a wish, I’d let you have it.” His honesty is the best and only thing he can offer. 

It seems to be enough, because Roy smiles back at him and shakes his head. “Thank you, darling. I’m sorry for waking you up with all this drama.” 

Ed clicks his tongue in dismissal. “I’m rolling my eyes,” he informs Roy, even though he really isn’t. “Don’t be ridiculous.” 

“Can’t help being ridiculous around you, now, can I?” Roy teases gently, hand moving upwards to his face as if to cup his cheek. Ed covers Roy’s hand with his own and brings it safely to his face. His palm feels wonderful against Ed’s skin and he arches into it, like a cat being stroked. “I’m pretty sure you enable it,” Roy continues, curling his fingers around Ed’s jaw. 

“I really do love you, you know?” Ed repeats softly, just in case there’s any chance Roy has misunderstood or disbelieved him. 

“And I, you, Edward. Thank you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> So I mentioned this in the end notes of my fic 'blind date', but essentially I h/c that Roy wears sunglasses because he's actually missing an eye and the injury is unsettling, to say the least. I also h/c that he gets tired of all the stares and the comments. As a result, he has some body issues. I didn't want to tag this as body horror because it's not, but that's the mood of it, I guess. 
> 
> Comments and love are always appreciated.


End file.
